So You’re Busy?
Whatcha gonna do bout it?
Recently I was asked what advice would I give to my younger self. I was split between 1) most things don’t matter and 2) life continues to get busier, so enjoy the present.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
- Ferris Bueller
Ferris Bueller has a great quote, and look, 39 year later I’m sure Matthew Broderick would say that life indeed goes by very fast.
At every stage of life people find themselves to be busy. Too busy. Too busy to get to the things they actually want to do. Busyness is a virtue in America. I’d say it’s a vice. It’s a crutch. It’s the devil on your shoulder that says no to doing what you want.
Stages of Life
If we walk through the stages of life, when did things get so hectic? It certainly wasn’t when we were chilling in a stroller, though there were probably moments when we picked up on our parents throwing everything into the car in a rush to get to daycare, the doctor, or some other errand.
Pretty soon, we are part of the rushed schedule. We need to make it to school drop-off on time. Then before we can catch a breath it is off to piano lessons, swim team, fencing, and dressage. No day is without a scheduled activity. Go to a place with competitive schools like Irvine, where I used to teach SAT math, and you’ll find multiple activities per day for kids who are already stressed out.
Eventually you leave home, maybe for college and you have all this freedom to control your own time. It’s wonderful, but not if you face a demanding school schedule which drains your time and bank account. Then there’s all the other bills to pay so you pick up a part time job which drains even more of your time and energy. You feel like you can’t catch a break and you have no money to do the things you want.
Onto working life. Finally you are earning more money, but you have this 8+ hour chunk of every weekday where you are working. You still have to pay for everything, but if lifestyle inflation wasn’t too high, then you probably feel better about your situation. But it’s still hard to do what you want with your friends because they are busy as well. Maybe you join a pickleball club and that works out well. Maybe you sink a bunch of time into dating. It certainly always feels busy.
Now your a parent. Same responsibilities, but you have to care for a kid on top of that. Maybe your work is nice enough to offer parental leave which helps ease the transition, but there’s always bottles to wash, diapers to change, and rushing to drop-off and pickup on time.
Looking back you realize you weren’t really all that busy before, but it just kept coming.
Sabbath
Sometimes what you need is a reset. Some religions have the idea of a Sabbath. God made the world in six days and rested on the seventh. People likewise need a day to split up their normal rhythms.
Some companies realize the need for a break after many years of work and will provide a sabbatical. At Meta it is 4-weeks after working for 5 years while Microsoft has 8-weeks after 10 years.
If you’ve been at something for awhile consider taking a break. If you stare at a computer for a long time, your eyes need a break. Similarly, you need to have rest from your busyness.
Next Steps
Is there a solution? Well, the answer you probably want to hear is that you can do it all using my easy 3 step process. However, the reality is that you’re human and there is only so much you can do and therefore, you probably need to say no to more things.
Since you are limited by time, make sure that what you’ve filled your schedule is filling you. Don’t go do something week after week if you don’t enjoy it. Certainly there are things you need to do like earn a living, but for leisure if you’re just lukewarm, maybe try a new hobby, and maybe rent first.
Saying you’re busy as a reason for not being able to do something is just a way of saying that thing isn’t important to you. We prioritize what is important within a set of constraints.